A teacher was taking a math's class, suddenly the principal came in for inspection and asked a question to the class.
"If a train is moving at the rate of 30km/h then what is my age now?"
Nobody including the teacher was able to answer. After a while a dull fellow raised his hand and said "50 sir". The answer was surprisingly correct.
"Absolutely Right Little Genius" Replied the Principal" But how could you calculate so accurately?, what was the formula behind?".
The boy said,"It's Simple! We have a neighbor of age 25 and the doctor says he is half crazy"
Thursday, April 2, 2009
who discovered america
TEACHER: Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
JOHNNY: Here it is!
TEACHER: That's Correct!. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Johnny!
JOHNNY: Here it is!
TEACHER: That's Correct!. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Johnny!
My exam
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No! and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Very Good," replied the student and quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry.
"Do you know WHO I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No! and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Very Good," replied the student and quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
A real son
A father walks by this son's bedroom and stops. He heard him say, " God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grandma. Ta Ta Grandpa."
The father did not know what the boy meant but he was glad his son was praying.
The next day he found Grandpa died. That night he went to his sons room and heard his son praying,
" God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta Ta Grandma."
The dad was scared but waited till morning. And sure enough Grandma was died.
That night he went his sons room again and heard him praying, "God bless Mommy. Ta Ta Daddy."
The Dad way really scared. He didn't sleep all night. In the morning he went to the doctor to check him.
When he came home he saw his wife. His wife said,
" Thank God you're here, Honey!!! we found the Milkman dead on the front porch this morning!!"
The father did not know what the boy meant but he was glad his son was praying.
The next day he found Grandpa died. That night he went to his sons room and heard his son praying,
" God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta Ta Grandma."
The dad was scared but waited till morning. And sure enough Grandma was died.
That night he went his sons room again and heard him praying, "God bless Mommy. Ta Ta Daddy."
The Dad way really scared. He didn't sleep all night. In the morning he went to the doctor to check him.
When he came home he saw his wife. His wife said,
" Thank God you're here, Honey!!! we found the Milkman dead on the front porch this morning!!"
Mother and father relationship
A woman takes her 4 year old son in for his yearly well child visit to The doctor.
The doctor asks the little boy, "Do you know your name?"
He tells her, "Yes my name is Johnny."
"And Johnny, do you know your mom's name?"
"Yes her name is Mommy," said little Johnny.
"And what is Mommy's real name?"
And little Johnny says, "it's Tammy."
"That is great," the doctor told Johnny.
Then the doctor asked, "And what is your daddy's name?"
Little johnny said, "it is daddy."
Finally the doctor asked, "And what does mommy call him?"
little Johnny looked up innocently and replied, "Asshole."
The doctor asks the little boy, "Do you know your name?"
He tells her, "Yes my name is Johnny."
"And Johnny, do you know your mom's name?"
"Yes her name is Mommy," said little Johnny.
"And what is Mommy's real name?"
And little Johnny says, "it's Tammy."
"That is great," the doctor told Johnny.
Then the doctor asked, "And what is your daddy's name?"
Little johnny said, "it is daddy."
Finally the doctor asked, "And what does mommy call him?"
little Johnny looked up innocently and replied, "Asshole."
understnading politics
Son: Dad, I have a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Dad: Sure son, what's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Dad: Well son, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me the management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so let's call her the government. We take care of you and your needs, so let's call you the people. We'll call the maid the working class and your baby brother the future. Understand?
Son: I'm not really sure dad, I'll have to think about it.
That night, the boy is awakened by his baby brother's crying, so he went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had a heavily soiled nappy, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother fast asleep. He than went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard. The boy went back to his room and went to sleep.
The next morning...
Son: Dad, I think I understand politics.
Dad: That's great son, explain it to me in your own words.
Son: While the management is screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep, the people are being completely ignored and the future is full of shit
Dad: Sure son, what's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Dad: Well son, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me the management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so let's call her the government. We take care of you and your needs, so let's call you the people. We'll call the maid the working class and your baby brother the future. Understand?
Son: I'm not really sure dad, I'll have to think about it.
That night, the boy is awakened by his baby brother's crying, so he went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had a heavily soiled nappy, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother fast asleep. He than went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard. The boy went back to his room and went to sleep.
The next morning...
Son: Dad, I think I understand politics.
Dad: That's great son, explain it to me in your own words.
Son: While the management is screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep, the people are being completely ignored and the future is full of shit
Monday, March 30, 2009
Mother
Miss Sana had been giving her students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
Saturday, March 28, 2009
He is dead. Now what’s Next
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
My wife’s Funeral
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Your Last day
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Positive effect of Drugs
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
Microsoft great writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Why should I give any to you
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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